im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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