I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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