a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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