please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My breasts were aching with rage.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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