really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
