My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
