dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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