I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
