So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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