Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
