I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
