there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
