maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
