Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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