I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I love having hate sex.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Watching her eat just hurts me
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
