A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
