you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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