lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
jump out the window naked night went bad
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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