I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
