i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize
