I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
