my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
