someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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