I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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