It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
