he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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