Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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