Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
