I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
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I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
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My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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