I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
