I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
