I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
