I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
