i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
