I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
