That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
His hands were made for my vagina.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
