he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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