you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
