WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
