If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
