im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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