whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
