i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
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Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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