I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
