just come out here and I will go home with you...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
