you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
