There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
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