He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
