When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
