Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
