I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
