So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
