Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
