Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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