We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
