I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
