Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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