I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
