So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
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so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
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well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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