its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I am mentally ready for anal.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
