This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I smell like Dick and happiness
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
