I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
