I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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