hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
