At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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