I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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