She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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